i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
