I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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