This girl is more easily done than said...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
