Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
