it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
