theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
