im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
