I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
