i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
