My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
