If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
