you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
