well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
