I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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