Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize