Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
