Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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