I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize