I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
