If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
