A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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