im about as happy as oj after his trial
you would pick up someone in the library
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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