I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
