idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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