I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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