what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
