doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
