also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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