my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
