And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So apparently I’m into choking now
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