you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
