from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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