tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
