with your own penis?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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