I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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