Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
