i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
