Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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