u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
