That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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