DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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