You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
