Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
