dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you never un-have a 4some
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
