You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
