my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
