I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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