I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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