About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
