I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
