shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
