This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
