is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
