she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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