He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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