Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
