he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize