R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
