cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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