i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
