hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
