I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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