There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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