She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
