I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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