Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
