She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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