Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
