laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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