So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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