i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
