This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
