Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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