It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
false alarm, still single
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
