Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
