btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
