how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
