Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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