I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
