Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
