she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
