Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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