remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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