i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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