DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
