Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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