Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
