She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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