I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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