Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
