now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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