I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
