I hate your face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
