i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do vagina's smell?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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