Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
