OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
