If that was your dad, he is hot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
